Okay, so it's kinda almost here. Technically it's not even Thanksgiving season yet till after Halloween...but I need to save up for Christmas presents.
I thought I was getting a refund from my TAP award, but the college has no information about when anyone is getting any of their TAP even though students are getting emails saying the TAP has gone through. This is very frustrating to me. So I can't guarantee I'll get the $300 I was expecting for Christmas shopping. So I applied at Things Remembered. But I haven't heard anything yet. I'm going to ask Becky about it tomorrow...So I only have my school paycheck which is also used for my phone bill.
So save now I must.

Daddy: $50 for a hand-forged utensil set (but this might change?)
Mom: however much it costs to get family portraits done at Sears (I'm guessing about the same)
Chris: no idea whatsoever
Jonathan: atleast $60 if not more cuz he wants a new cowboy hat
Heather: no idea yet (not that I'd post it here)
Random family member at christmas dinner: no idea who yet or what
Plus I need money for other people I'd like to get something little for
Money to make calenders out of my photography for my family in Texas
and I'm pretty sure there was something else here that I am missing....

but yeah, so I need to saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave

Also I need to do my banking, and send stuff in the mail!!!
I need to mail a package to Molly, a letter to Liza, and a check for Ben to Life Choices Center, because I'm lame and keep forgetting.

I feel like a failure alot...

My TO DO LIST? Hardly touched. I suck.

Return an order to Amazon.com

Mail in check to Life Choices center now that I finally found my checkbook!

Write rough draft for tomorrow

Mail package to Molly Clune

Mail letter to LizaJane

finish my to do list…

I'm sorry, I am not a mind reader either. So instead of ruining both of our days, why not just REMIND me you have an appointment to make, instead of just sitting there getting annoyed and saying nothing is wrong. Like you've never forgotten to pick me up, sorry when I don't even wear a watch I forgot the time you told me on Sunday.

I know I've said stuff like it before, but I was usually joking. This time I am completely serious when I say that I really think that hitting my head and stuff really has messed with my memories. Growing up I used to have one of the best memories. I remembered everything about everyone, good and bad. Not anymore. One plus side, is I used to be able to recall everything ever said and done to me that was even remotely annoying or mean, and I could recall every single time I had ever been embarrassed for any reason, and I would remember it perfectly and feel just as embarrassed. Not any more. Now I only remember the very worst of them, and not in so great of detail. Not even the "Adam thing"...which is a relief with Staff Training coming up, though I am still dreading it. The sad part is, I keep finding things that my way-too-sentimental-for-my-own-good saved, and I can vaguely recognize things, and I get this feeling like I do when remembering a really happy time, and its like I can feel the memory whispering to me behind a wall. But I can't remember. I am surprisingly okay with this, since one of my most worst fears is forgetting, but still...idk, I knew it messed up my balance (which i used to be very proud of) but anyways...just an observation.

Taking a trip down memory lane today, its just no longer Claritin Clear.

:)

Seeing to the fact that I usually only bother posting on here when I'm quite upset, I apologize but once again this is gunna be an emo post. (Really, I'm not always sad or down, that's just usually the only time I bother posting, as a way to vent or something-and right now I am upset.) I'm gunna be posting quotes. Prolly mostly from movies. They reflect my current mood. (I know I get dramatic and stuff. I know it can be annoying. But its never gunna fully go away, so either love me, or leave me - now on with the post.)

Samantha: I know you have the best intentions, but I feel like I'm a really high second priority to you. That hurts. And the worst part is I'm starting to get used to it.
Ian: I don't understand.
Samantha: I know. That's what kills me.
     ~If Only

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
     ~Captain Corelli's Mandolin
(I haven't actually seen this movie, but I kinda liked this quote)

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love; but then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer, to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love; to be happy then is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy; therefore to be unhappy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down. (I haven't seen this movie either, but it made me laugh ^)

Hearts will be practical only when they are made unbreakable.

A Fan-fic :
       I love reading fanfiction :) one I really like, but isnt finished so thats annoying, is called "Keeping the Faith" by Sentimental Star.
Summery: Its a story based on the "what if" Lucy followed Aslan across the gorge alone. Its a major sibling fic, but is also very movie based on the characters personalities. I still really like it though.

      I also really like one called "The Adventures of the Dancing Princesses" by Queen Eleni. Its the first time I ever heard any version of the fairytale The Twelve Dancing Princesses, but it easily became my favorite fairytale. I also enjoyed this because it was more like an original book then a fanfiction...

both are well written.

oh, and an update on me?? well, or him, whatever... -> after like 5 conversations and a load of screw ups and an almost brake-up, suddenly this whole new man has emerged. Its like the boy I fell in love with has come back in man form and is leaving me all giddy like a school girl again. I swear I have NEVER seen him smile the way he's been smiling, even when we first started dating. Im afraid to get used to it, cuz it may not last long like usual, but at the same time, I can't help but be so happy and carefree that I hardly care at all if it hurts in the end, I'm flying right now, and its worth it, right??

<3

so yeah... my mouth hurts. ALOT. and blood?? it doesn't taste good. novacaine makes my tic act up alot, and since its mostly in my mouth, it most deffinately isn't helpful...plus it makes my eye feel weird, lol...
oh well...the main problems will be gone in a couple days right??
granted i also have a new cavity. yay...

im going crazy. just saying. im losing my mind and everything else.